Proceed with Caution: Five costumes to avoid this Halloween

With Halloween coming up, there are a lot of opportunities for a gentleman to throw a costume on. In order to stand out sometimes we need to go above and beyond. The conventional ghost costume – a white blanket with holes – isn’t enough, so we throw on a cross, but beware that with a sheet corner on top these subtle alterations don’t always add razzle dazzle, instead sometimes they transform you from a ghost to clan member or from white rapper to Kevin Federline. In case you’re not sure if your costume toes that line, I have  listed the top five costumes that have gone too far to help keep you on track and out of a tumultuous relationship with Britney Spears.

Guy being the head of a baby coming out of a woman:

Obviously we can all appreciate the age defying classic costume; guy being the head of a baby coming out of a woman, but perhaps it’s time everyone gives this bad boy a rest. How many times do we have to watch a five year old marching out of his house on a brisk Halloween’s eve in this costume before we say enough is enough? Throw on a superman costume little Tommy, it’s time we hang this classic up in the closet for good.

guy giving birth


Child Molesting Priest:

You will never ever ever get shagged after being seen in this costume, especially if it’s at a child’s birthday party. Wear something more kid friendly. Actually, never mind, that is what’s wrong with this costume in the first place.


KKK, Racist looking Uncle Sam and Terrorist looking Dude:

The gentleman on the left has gone to a lot of trouble to be racist, red sheets are not cheap and it looks like that’s Egyptian cotton, balllllla. The guy in the middle is giving off mixed signals; first off he’s wearing a suit jacket, bow tie and a lovely top hat but completely clashes with a pair of ripped jeans as bottoms. Secondly he’s accosting us with middle finger masculinity and yet has the audacity to add the feminine touch of well applied makeup. The guy on the right seems like an alright fella, probably be a cool guy to catch the game with over a pint. He’s a man that knows a good Halloween costume.

kk costume

Chris Brown and Rihana Black and Blue:

Despite this costume being very easy to replicate-a Detroit Pistons hat, a Chris Brown mask, a flailing fist and a can of beer- I recommend you avoid domestic violence as a theme while you are creating your Halloween costume. After all, it didn’t turn out so great for Chris.


Malaysian Aircrew:

Not kosher, fellas. Using signs to describe your costume is weak sauce. Maybe if all three of these lads looked a bit more like the one on the left they wouldn’t need to do a powerpoint presentation before we understood their costume. Word to the wise gents, plane crashes, even conspiratorial ones, inflict a little more bodily damage than a small head wound and a torn blazer.


Choosing your Halloween costume just got a lot easier after this list. Just avoid blatant racism, plane crashes, paedophilia, abuse and being a birthed child and you’ll do just fine. On second thought, maybe it’s not going to be that easy.

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