This past week American comedian and television personality, John Oliver, poked fun at how “Canadian” the Senate Scandal is, pointing out that the $1 million in questionable spending is going towards golf tournaments, fishing trips and hockey tickets. Watch the full video below:
In light of this extremely embarrassing segment, we dug up some more scandals that would only happen in Canada.
1) The Munsinger Affair (1958-1961)
A Russian prostitute, a cabinet minister, and a deportation. Of course the most infamous sex scandal in Canada had to involve a deportation.
The Rundown: Gerda Munsinger was allegedly a Russian sex worker and Soviet spy who fooled around with some cabinet ministers, notably Pierre Sévigny. Who? The Associate Minister of Defence at the time. Sévigny was so smitten by Munsinger, he even signed for her Canadian citizenship application. Does that sound like something a Canadian would do? Yes, because it happens all the time here.
Outcome: In the end, the government said they “took care” of the situation, insinuating that Gerda was dead. But of course, Canadians are far too nice for that and instead, she lived a life in hiding in Munich. Oh, and Sèvigny also resigned.
2) Tunagate (1985)
Yes, this is a scandal named after the fish, and yes, Canadians can get very protective over their fish.
The Rundown: StarKist, a tuna company in New Brunswick, was suspected to be selling “tainted tuna.” John Fraser, Minister of Fisheries and Oceans, was found guilty of overruling food inspectors and giving StarKist the O.K. to put their tuna cans on the shelf.
Outcome: As it turns out, no one ever got sick from the tuna, but eventually StarKist’s marketshare collapsed and they pulled out of the tuna business.
3) The APEC Inquiry (1997)
In the U.S they have uproars about riot police shooting and tazing protesters, meanwhile north of the border we fend off activists with pepper spray. Isn’t that what you use against bears? It’s true, we fight off protesters like we fight off bears.
The Rundown: During the Asia-Pacific Economic Corporation Conference (APEC) in Vancouver, British Colombia, the RCMP used excessive force against its protestors, using a hefty amount of pepper spray.
Outcome: Our government officials have a knack for always saying the most inappropriate thing at the most inappropriate time. Prime Minister Jean Chrétien’s contribution to the situation was, “For me, pepper, I put it on my plate.” Although that may be true, Chrétien and the director of operations were reprimanded for ordering the RCMP to use as much force as necessary. The Mounties were told that in the future, the safety of protestors and attendees will be more heavily enforced.
4) Sean Avery Hockey Scandal (2008)
The only thing more entertaining than our failed politicians is our moody hockey players.
The Rundown: While preparing for a game with the Calgary Flames, Sean Avery, crossed the line with an inappropiate comment. The player for the Dallas Stars at the time, was seemingly heart broken after his split with actress, Elisha Cuthbert, especially since Flames player Dion Phaneuf decided to date her after. Here is the comment that caused a stir:
“I’m just going to say one thing. I’m really happy to be back in Calgary; I love Canada. I just want to comment on how it’s become like a common thing in the NHL for guys to fall in love with my sloppy seconds. I don’t know what that’s about, but enjoy the game tonight.”
How does loving Canada have anything to do with your opponent sleeping with your ex-girlfriend? If that wasn’t awkard enough, he ends his comment by wishing us all to “enjoy the game tonight” as if he didn’t just make this extremely uncomfortable for every one involved.
Outcome: Avery was suspended within hours after the comment and the NHL charged him with “conduct detrimental to the league or the game of hockey— a very serious crime here in Canada.
5) The Great Canadian Maple Syrup Heist (2012)
Canada produces around 80% of the world’s maple syrup. That’s probably because 80% of the world’s maple syrup is solely consumed by Canadians. People pick on Canadians because they think we are pushovers, but if you steal our maple syrup, we are a force to be reckoned with.
The Rundown: A warehouse in Saint-Louis-De-Branford, Quebec, known for producing 77% of the world’s maple syrup supply, was robbed of 6 million pounds of maple syrup in 2012. That is approximately $18 million. The thieves broke into the legal maple syrup cartel and replaced large barrels of the popular condiment with water. Guys, I can’t make this stuff up.
Outcome: Three arrests were made but there are still more maple-syrup hungry felons on the loose. If you really think about it, maple syrup is just boiled down tree sap, but it’s actually more valuable than crude oil. Unfortunately only about 70% of the 6 million pounds of maple syrup were recovered and Canadians everywhere mourned the loss of their liquid gold.